One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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