White coat. Heels.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
