we have officially lost it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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