hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
