I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
