Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
