You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize