Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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