I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
