We're facebook friends in real life
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
