I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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