Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
