i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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