College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
BRING THE BAGELS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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