walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
