I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
