Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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