he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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