Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
