tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
