I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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