My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
