I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
