yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize