Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
