is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
