i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
