I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize