She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
