Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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