Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
