I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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