Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
