just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
