So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
