apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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