sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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