I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
did you just send me my own nude
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize