Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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