Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
