I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize