I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
