i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My hand turned me down
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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