Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
