brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
