I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
