He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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