this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
