We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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