Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
