Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
