just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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