Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
