I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
