Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
