my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
