This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
