I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize