i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
