Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
