from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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