You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
third nipple confirmed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
