This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
