i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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