Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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