you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
