He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
