you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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