i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
