Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
