I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
