i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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