Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
