thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
