Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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