went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
