i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize