He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
