You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
