operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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