Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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