Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
