Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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