I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
