i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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