You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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